This is a post.

Rantings of an Insane Occultist on an Airliner

This is quite long, so here's a TL;DR:

Airline ride was long so I wrote copiously without direction.

Ranting follows:

Well, here I am, sitting in a tube hurtling through space at five hundred miles per hour. Since the satellite wifi is expensive, and The Wizard is cheap, I'm writing this into a word processor, to be posted later.

Well, in any case this is proving to be more fun than I thought it would be. The plane I'm on has a buncha neato stuff to occupy my time. It's got little T. V’s in the back of the seats, and you get dish network for free. Most of all, it's got PLUGS! Free electricity for each and every passenger, which means I can blog until the second coming of cheesus. He's the god of cheese.

But I digest...

You may have remembered from the last post that the entire reason I'm in this airliner is that me and my family are going to our great nation's capital. I'm quite interested in going to the various branches of the Smithsonian museum, especially the Air and Space one. I get to see a space shuttle! I hope they have mini Einstein bobble heads. You know, night at the museum? I'm so funny...

I really hate commercials.

Sorry if this post kind of turns into a rant about things I hate, I need an outlet. (Outlet? I thought you said they had them on the plane? No, not that kind.) I've been sitting in this seat for... let's see... three, four hours. Give or take. I've got so many screens around me, one of them's bound to have a flight duration statistic. Help me, Ace Ventura! Bah humbug, he's no help.

Well, there's good news and bad news. There's only 900 miles left to The District. The bad news? There's Nine. Hundred. Miles. Left. And let's see, at 525 MPH, that's... 1. 723 hours. Not that bad.

I probably can't use any of this. Might as well start over. Hi, I'm the Wizard, what's your name? Oh, “Internet,” that's nice.

It's interesting to note that the Smithsonian museum wasn't funded by an American citizen. Yeah, it was some weird Austrian guy named Smithsonian who wanted his name on something, so he gave a metric crapload of money to the U.S. Government for a museum. Well, they've got a museum of Espionage, which is cool. (Spying, for you non-french parlevouiers.)

No, it's not a word.

I don't think this will be a good blog post, I might have to edit it down. Someday, I'll show this to my grandchildren, and they won't listen.

“Huh, learn something dumb every day.”

-Bender B. Rodriguez

It always seemed to me that James Bond is a terrible person. I mean, he may be a spy, and have a license to kill, but that doesn't mean he has a license to womanize. Although, Sean Connery was pretty awesome. He can't help but be otherwise. “Hello, I'm Jamesh Bond. Let'sh go kill shome bad guysh.

This is terrible. I should make an audiobook of this. Who would narrate it? Sean Connery, obviously.

“Wishard housh publishing preshents: Rantings of an insane occultist on an airliner.”

Why is it that cool people always order White Russians to drink? Is it some magical property of the drink, that only cool people can order it and be cool about it? Food for thought. Hmm, I might need something to wash this food down. Bartender! Your finest white Russian!

I smell cat food. That can't be a good sign. I did see a lady going through security with a cat. It must have weighed 20 pounds. Really, who brings an overweight kitty onto an airplane, and goes into the air conditioning ducts to feed it?

It's a good job we didn't take this trip a couple weeks earlier, I seem to remember something about W.D.C being out of power, and having a heat wave. No AC, and no lights. That would be terrible, but in any case, that's over and done with. Not much worse than what was at home, aside from the power situation. Three digit temperatures are not fun.

I've always thought it was cheating to say we have 50 states. They don't count Washington D.C a state, it's a district so we can have a nice round number. That's just cheating. On the other hand, we already have a state called Washington. It's an odd name, when you think about it, and type it about seven times.

CNN just said that a virus has been released that attacks DNS server connections, and will affect internet access. If you don't know what DNS server is, it's pretty much what makes the internet go when you click on a link. Bad news if it goes down...

Well, I'm tired of typing, and it's time for a complementary soda, so,

Later, Internet.

The Wizard.

Washington D.C Part 1

Recently the good Wizard and his family have decided to go to Washington D.C, our great nations capitol. As I type this, I sit in the terminal of the airport, blogging for some inane reason. Oddly enough, we just had breakfast, and it was some of the best food I've ever had at an airport. I had a bagel with smoked salmon. My brother and me were arguing over whether airline food is terrible. He maintains that it is fine, and quite palatable. I stand by my notion that it is the selfsame food served in hell. Really, what makes it so terrible? Maybe it's not the food's fault, maybe it's being locked into a metal tube with strangers, whizzing across the planet at three hundred miles per hour. Don't get me wrong, I like flying places, it's just that it could be a little more comfortable. Maybe first class next time...

In any case, I think it'll be fun to go to W.D.C. The monuments don't seem like they would be very interesting, but I'm looking forward to the Smithsonian. Well, they're boarding now, I have to go. Later, Internet...

Hiatuses

After a lengthy hiatus from not posting at all, I have decided to resurrect this blog. Not that anyone reads it anyways. So, let me summarize the past year or so: Stuff happened. I won't bore you with the details, you've got an internet connection. Go look it up, you lazy bastards. In any case, I've become addicted to Reddit, a user based news website. It's basically facebook combined with wikipedia, with none of the annoying twelve year old's and grammar less deadheads. Go check it out. I will warn you, there is a membership price: YOUR SOUL. So, if you've sold it in the past, I would stay away from Reddit. We don't want the soul police to get angry with you.

Recently one of my friends put the abhorrent four letter word "YOLO" into one of his posts. I will be unfriending him shortly.

Well, that's it. More to come later.